How did my Ponytail Hairdo, the one for my big date to the Oscars, I mean to the Paramount, go? Well, I got a little nuts for one thing. I thought I had it all together, but I left a few things to do on Saturday, which at first seemed to be going all right. I found cute shoes with a bit of a heel, at least for me, and sparkly rhinestones that matched the dress. Then I needed panty hose because it has been so long since I’ve worn them that I don’t own any. Then I had to remember where you even buy panty hose, then I had to ask for help at Macy’s because I didn’t remember what sandlefoot meant.

I was still on track when I started to alter the dress. “Alter the dress?”, you might ask. “The afternoon before your big date?”, you might think. Well, now, looking back, I can see your point. “You must be an accomplished seamstress!” Well, no not really. I used to sew, but never very well and now that I think about it, Blue Eyes asked me when we got married if I would please never hem my own pants again. He has a sense of style stronger than mine and he was tired of seeing my socks when I was standing up.

But the alteration was so easy. There were two straps that met at the back of the neck and were held with snaps and hooks. I just needed to move the snaps and hooks closer, because my chest wasn’t as big as the average woman’s chest, which is a little sad since I’m nursing and I’m pretty big right now, for me anyway.

I can think back to the time when it started to go wrong. I had taped the University of Texas football game earlier in the day and I was watching it, fast forwarding through the commercials and boring parts. I was also painting my fingernails and toenails and sewing my dress in-between coats of paint.

Yes, now I realize that this is doing three things with my hands at one time. More importantly, my mind was split in three ways, making me much less smart at each activity. I have admitted to this problem before, of knowing when Enough is Enough.

The first sign of trouble was when the University of Texas was loosing to Baylor, but that situation took care of itself. Then I noticed that the sewing was scratching my almost-dry nails. Then I noticed that snaps and hooks were needed at both ends where the straps meet, which would take longer than I thought. And each snap has two parts. And if I took the time it took for me to finish the first half of the first snap and did some math to figure out when I might be done, then I was in trouble.

I didn’t figure this out logically at first. My subconscious mind knew and I started to try to work faster and then I started getting mad at the needle and thread when they kept doing what my hands were doing instead of what I wanted them to do. Then the recording of the football game stopped suddenly, the recording was corrupt. Then my fingers and toes were done, but a little messy. Then I tried on the dress with just a few of the snaps and hooks in place and it was too tight. This was about 5:30 and we needed to leave by 6:00 and I still had to do my makeup and my fancy Ponytail Hairdo.

I finally stopped to slow down, which always makes me smarter, but somehow I don’t remember that in the moment when I need to remember that. Then I had an idea. For one night, I could just use safety pins. “Really?”, you ask. “For the Oscars?”, you think. Well, I’m not REALLY going to the Oscars. I’m going to the Paramount. And if I have someone else do it carefully, then no one will be able to see the pins and it will be just fine.

Well, all that business left me about seven minutes to pull together the Ponytail Hairdo, and it didn’t work. The curls on top fell flat and then you could see the pony tail underneath. I didn’t have time to work with it, so I used some barrettes and that was just fine too.

In the end, I think it all came out all right. I’m usually a pretty casual person and I tried to dress up in all the ways I knew how at one time, since we don’t dress up much these days. When we got to dinner, I settled into the evening, doing just one thing at a time, listening to my husband, making plans for the future, enjoying a surprise gift and a yummy dessert. Just before the show, when Blue Eyes was getting our tickets and I was waiting out front, a group of ladies walked by. The one in front looked at me and smiled and said “That is a beautiful dress!”

Well, it may not have been a red carpet or the paparazzi, but that was just what I needed. It was a good night.