I heard a comedian say that every one in America would be happy if they had forty more dollars. No matter if you are a man or woman, young or old, rich or poor, you would Have Enough if you could have what was just beyond your reach.
I think that is pretty funny and pretty true, but what is even more true for me is that each day just needs 40 more minutes. I used to be much worse at this. I used to drink from a bottle of vodka in my desk all day at work without knowing I had a problem. Now I can stand up in front of ya’ll and say “My name is Carol and I never have enough time.”
I knew I had a problem when I was home during my pregnancy on bed rest. I was able to sit up at my desk and work on the computer, which meant I could write and take care of family business. At the end of my first day on the computer, home from work on disability, with no real obligations to meet and four months to go and all I could think was “I didn’t get enough done today.”
I’ve come a long way since then. I take time each day to pause and reflect. I take time for yoga in the mornings. I have things I try to do each day, but don’t worry if they don’t all get done. I definitely don’t over-engineer my day and expect Baby Girl to sign up for my action plan.
Well, except for a few times and maybe a little bit yesterday.
So I still need to go to the meetings. I still need to call my sponsor now and then. It isn’t easy to change. If I could thin out my stack of paperwork, then I’ll be caught up so I can get to those things on the the Backlog of our Family List of Things to Do which would leave me time to get some yard work done…
What is enough? What does it look like and feel like? One thing I know is that it is completely made up. You decide how satisfied you are. Or your genes do. Or your childhood. Or your friends. Who knows. But it isn’t absolute and you can decide to change it.
I jinx it sometimes. Like this week, when I saw a bit of light, like I might be OK. The blog is off the ground, I’m managing the bills and mail OK, I have a routine for cleaning the house a little each day and feeding Baby Girl has a rhythm to it. Then I’m listening to KUT and I can’t hear it well in the kitchen and I remember we got outdoor speakers for a gift a while back and never installed them and they would work indoors too. So I could put them on top of our corner cabinets and drop the speaker wire behind them, crawl under the house and drill holes, no, maybe through the attic would be better….
A tiny bit of light and I grab a hold of the first big project that crosses my mind and feel right away that I must do this, because if I could just get this done, then I would be satisfied. If I just had 40 more minutes I could start it today…
I said no to the speakers. I didn’t even add it to the backlog. Enough is Enough. I’m still recovering though, and this change will take time. I’ll let ya’ll know how it goes. If you have any ideas, let me know.
October 8, 2007 at 9:20 pm
It’s refreshing to read your candor about unfinished tasks. I’m a new mom and I strive every day to have the house picked up a little more than the previous day so my husband doesn’t have to return to clutter after a long day of work. It’s a nice goal but I’m really not getting any closer to achieving it.
I’m also starting to worry about my appearance. I feel like I’m putting myself last on the list of things to tidy up for my husband. I sure hope he knows I don’t actually intend to still be wearing pajamas when he arrives home.
October 13, 2007 at 12:29 am
I have also been working on when ‘enough’ is in my life. I believe that many people make life more difficult by over scheduling and having expectations that are too high. I am really enjoying my life being slower.
October 27, 2007 at 1:05 am
[…] Yes, now I realize that this is doing three things with my hands at one time. More importantly, my mind was split in three ways, making me much less smart at each activity. I have admitted to this problem before, of knowing when Enough is Enough. […]