I got a call from the editor of a local parent’s magazine this week. She said the story I submitted for the humor column made her laugh, she thought it was hilarious, but the magazine has a policy to not print Poop Stories. I said you have got to be kidding, that is funny, because my blog has the same policy.
You know Poop Stories, every parent has them, some kind of embarrassing and messy disaster, usually in public, when you are both wearing white and you have run out of wipes. When I started this blog, I didn’t want it to be about Poop Stories because they aren’t very original and every parent has their own already. That is why I submitted the story to the local parenting magazine instead, but I guess they have the same opinion.
But, when I think about it again, how you handle Poop Stories is an important part of Graceful Parenting. If I had a manifesto on Graceful Parenting (which I would have time to write, if I weren’t a parent), an important element would be the ability to laugh at Poop Stories. Maybe there is a little frustration and/or health risk at first, but this is overshadowed by the laughing that starts deep in your gut and leaves you all teary eyed. And Blue Eyes says that Poop Stories are funny. Not everything has to be original, especially if it is funny.
So, I have decided to share my story on the blog after all. This is ‘Daddy’s Girl – A Poop Story.’
The morning started off normal enough. The carpool has picked up Noel and Blue Eyes is heading to work. As he leaves, he asks if I’m doing anymore laundry before the weekend and I say no, I’m all caught up and he says OK. Then I sit down to feed Baby Girl her bottle.
She is almost done feeding when I feel something wet on my hand. I lift her a little to check things out and there is runny poop on her outfit.
I set down the bottle and carry her to the dresser to change her. Poop gets on the lap pad and the changing pad cover. Then I see the poop all down the front of my robe.
I clean her up the best I can, but I decide a bath would be better. She is still naked and little dirty, so I put a blanket in her swing, then set her on top of the blanket, so I can change my clothes and get her bath ready. As soon as I set her down, she pees.
I’m still not intimidated. She is running out of ways to make a mess and I have all day to clean. I change my clothes and change out the lap pad and changing pad cover. But I hadn’t noticed the poop on the front of the dresser, I must have leaned against the dresser when I was wearing my robe and I must have leaned against the dresser again in my new clothes, because they have poop on them too. She is really good.
I clean up the dresser. I change my clothes. I give Baby Girl a bath. I sit down with her to finish her bottle and I see more poop in the middle of the floor, I don’t even know how that got there.
When Baby Girl finishes, I put her in her crib, saying a prayer for no more mess. I clean up the poop on the floor and then get a laundry basked for my clothes, her clothes, the lap pad, changing table cover, blanket and swing cushion. Then I call my husband to see what it was he needs washed, because I’ve got a load ready to go.
Then I looked at Baby Girl in her crib. I know she loves her Daddy. Maybe this was all on purpose? She smiles at me. I smile back.
Do you have a poop story? I want to hear it! Better than that, I want to have a Poop Story Contest. Everyone can submit their stories, then we all vote and the winner gets a very expensive (or not) prize package. Start thinking of your best story. The rules are pending and will be posted in a few days…
(Oh, and some good news. The editor of the local parenting magazine called in person because, while she didn’t want to print my Poop Story, she wanted me to submit some other work for the humor column. I’ll let ya’ll know how it goes.)